Australia Opinion Satire

Vegan activist group’s charity status slaughtered

In April an activist group called “Vegan Rising” were refusing to move even an inch when they crowded the normally busy intersection of Flinders and Swanston streets in Melbourne.

Alleged adults with nothing better to do that day sported placards and chanted protests against excessive cheese in-jokes about chickens crossing the road as cruelty to animals. Protestors went limp when police attempted to remove them, prompting officers to offer them KFC due to obvious malnourishment before carrying them away.

A gender-ambiguous spokes-thing wearing a badge notifying others their preferred pronouns were grrrr, mmnnnm and HAH! told reporters that while they apologised for any inconvenience to the deluded masses, dominant bipedal animals had to realise sometimes you needed to crack a few eggs to make an omelette.

Yesterday the Australian Charities and Not-for-profits Commission (ACNC) decided the group’s goose was cooked and revoked their registration as a charity following an investigation into whether chants about vegan moral superiority while blocking ambulances from attending to actual human suffering was an activity taxpayers wanted to subsidise.

The ACNC Commissioner Dr Gary Johns explained the ACNC prefers to educate and guide groups failing to comply with obligations or proper governance, but this one is particularly resistant to suggestions they could ever be wrong about anything.

Vegan Rising are said to now be looking for other ways to bring home the bacon.

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